Is Dannie B. Losing Faith in Black Men?

I like to call myself the queen of black love and black men. I am constantly shining a light on our beautiful chocolate men and I love to see them honor us, black queens. Your girl Dannie B. has been quiet the last couple of weeks and if you notice I haven’t posted much about black love or black men. I have not felt as inspired or loved by black men recently. I have been quite disappointed in black men due to a series of events that have taken place in my life. Let’s recap on Dannie B’s love life over the last few months.

In a previous post called “I Met the Man of My Dreams on the Train…So I Thought” I introduced my readers to a man name "Rico". To get the backstory on "Rico" and I please read that post, but to make a long story short, after learning Rico was expecting a child, "Rico" and I decided to take things slow and develop a friendship and truly get to know each other. Even though the feelings were there on both behalves we just knew trying to get into anything romantic just wasn’t a good idea.  I must admit we were “googly-eyed” for each other as he would say, but we knew we were riding a tough roller coaster.

So let’s get into the drama. “Rico’s Baby Mama” as she would like to be called has reached out to me on several occasions over the past couple of months. Our first conversation occurred days before my birthday where she seemed to be very nice and wanted to know the status of “Rico” and I’s relationship. Against my better judgment I shared some details about “Rico” and I that I should not have. This is a rule I had to learn the hard-way, but ladies never engage the other woman. If she wants to know details of the relationship it is the man’s responsibility to tell her. Unfortunately, you do not owe the other woman anything. The man has made the “commitment” to her, so, therefore, the information should come from him.  After this conversation, "Rico" and I decided it was best that we work on our friendship and leave the romantic aspect out of it.

A couple of months go by and "Rico" and I become closer and closer. We talk and Facetime just about every day and we really become close. Now, this is where things between “Rico’s Baby Mama” and I get sticky. She becomes angered once she discovers that "Rico" and I are keeping in touch. In one of our previous conversations, she informed me that she and Rico were not together and if I wanted to pursue a relationship with him that she would not stand in the way. So, based on this statement I was confused why she was so pressed.  She proceeded to send "Rico" and I a very nasty text calling us out of our names and being very disrespectful. Me being the classy proud educated black woman I am, I ignore it. I just have too much class to argue with an emotional pregnant woman.

In the coming weeks, things really come crashing down with the next turn of events. “Rico’s Baby Mama” proceeds to stalk me in every aspect of stalking including comments on my blog, social media and she even went so far to create fake social media pages to stalk me “secretly” and calling me at work. The icing on the cake came when she leaked my personal information on social media.

In the words of Michelle Obama “when they go low we go high” and I still have yet to respond to her.  Anyone that knows me can attest it killed me not respond, but I just had to keep it classy to protect myself and my brand.

At the end of the day, I cannot put the blame on her entirely. "Rico" played a huge roll in all of this. He failed to create boundaries with her and he gave her the power to feel as if though she could treat me this way. "Rico" did not create an environment where he could move on with his life and date other women.  I did not feel protected by Rico and “when things go wrong as they sometimes will” Rico choose himself. He handled the situation in a way that benefited him, and when he felt like I choose to protect myself he turned his back on me.

Ladies, if a man is serious about establishing a concrete relationship with you he will do whatever it takes to make that happen. I don’t care if he has 10 kids and 10 baby mamas if he cares he will do the work to protect the relationship that you guys have no matter what. I know you all are thinking “Dannie B. this sounds easier said than done” and trust me I know it’s not easy, but he will fight the fight with you if he knows you are worth it.